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Gruntipedia Fun: Otha' Letham
]] Otha' is a very Grunty Elite, because the stoned motherfucker that pregnated his mom was a Grunt. He lives his life by hanging out with friends, drinking Cherry Coke, having sex and blowing up the shit out of every thing he wants to nuke. He is the Gruntiest Elite to be born, he is also one of the most hardcore and has a pretty fucked up family tree. Backstory Otha' was an Elite who was born when his mother was flying a Banshee but then instantly gave birth. Otha' nearly fell out of the Banshee but then he hijacked his mom's Banshee and she drowned in the ocean and became a mermaid. His father (not to be confused with the Stoned motherfucker Grunt that pregnated his mom, that was another guy), amazed by Otha's talent, signed him up for the Covenant military when he was 1 month old. The Prophets accepted the membership (they thought he was 35) and Otha' started training in the art of SWAG and Gruntiness. How he got the most Gruntiness of any Sangheili You see, the man that raised Otha' was not his true dad, here's the story. Otha's mom was walking home after tripping over countless ballsacks at the retard exposition. When she was walking, a famous Grunt criminal called Fuckyap was recently convicted because he was forcing female Elites to give him blumpkins. When Fuckyap saw Otha's mom, he got up to her, stripped of her armour and had forced sex. After he was satisfied, he got off her and gave her a letter, he said: Soon, she went home and told her fiance, her fiance told her that he would hold onto the letter. As time went by, she realised that she was now pregnant. Nine months after the incident, her waters broke, so she had to rush to the hospital, the rest of the story is above, but I will explain it here. She got in a Banshee hoping that she could get there in time, but then he just dropped the newborn Otha', he was about to fall out, so then he did the most fucking sad ass, douchebaggy, cuntragging clusterfuck any newborn could do. Otha' hijacked his mom's Banshee and watched her fall into the ocean. Many thought she died, but she really just became a mermaid. If she ever did meet Otha' again, she would probably attempt to kill him. Otha's step-father was dumbstruck by Otha's talent, he has only been alive for 15 seconds and he did 5 amazing things. *1) Hijack a Banshee *2) Piss off his mom *3) Broke a world record *4) PILOT the Banshee *5) Broke another world record Otha's step-father brought Otha' to a Covenant registery building and signed him up when he was one month old. His awesomeness made the Prophets believe he was 35. His dad gave him the letter mentioned before, but Otha' did not know how to read at the time. A few years later when he understood the concept of reading, he opened the letter: 0011000122000101000000110000011000666000900012110000100010010101010000101010010101001010101 1010101010101010101010101010101010133700110101010110101010110011fu(k3durm0m0010101010101001g0r0u 1n1t1i0n0e1s1s101010101010110101010101010101010110101010101010010101010101010110010100010001 PS. Show this to the Prophet of Crack Sincerely: The Stoned Motherfucking Grunt that pregnated your mom (not the guy that fathered you). He payed close attention to "The Stoned Motherfucking Grunt that pregnated your mom (not the guy who fathered you)" he realised that he has yet to meet his dad, and that he is part Grunt, after realising that, he figured out how he pulled off all those awesome tricks, he has Gruntiness! And for his real dad to be a Grunt, he has more Gruntiness than any other Elite! He immediately told the Prophets and suggested that he should start getting trained on Gruntiness and SWAG. 40 hours later, his epic training began at the Nipple Academy, his master was the ever great High Grunt Admiral Flabdab. Considering that he was training on Gruntiness, a Grunt would be the best master. Shortly later, he began his SWAG training under the master "Buzv'mi 'Olwaaai", this was the time when he met Juhii and J'Suz Kusov. He and J'Suz had a tough rivalry, but they were both equally as powerful, sitting on the throne for number one, but, there could only be one, so combined with Otha's Gruntiness, Otha' won, sorry J'Suz, but his Gruntiness will eclipse everything. He kept going back to Flabdab and Buzv'mi to perfect his skills. Sex and the first destruction of Hula Hoop Alpha When Otha' was 19 hes found a sexy chick elite called Kes'i w ho was 17 and then they both had hardcore sex, it was so hardcore it caused Installation 04 to blow up. This pissed off Bungie so Halo: Combat Evolved's launch was delayed by 2 years because they had to do all the work again. This also put a curse on all future Halo games, delaying them for 2 years. Otha' vs hordes of Wookies One day, Otha' was strolling around in High Charity until he found out about the world of Multiplayer, so he obviously customized his armour. The Brutes were dumbstruck by his ability to choose his own armor, so the Brutes thought he used 1337 hax. An armada of Brutes swiftly challenged Otha' to a fight. Otha' got out a can of beans, ate them all in one breath, then rang Juhii to come over and help him terrorize the Brutes. Juhii teleported there 3 seconds later. Both Sangheili kicked all of the Brute's asses, pwned their faces, gave them bunny suits and took a diarrhea dump on them all. Otha' however got bored of customization very quickly, so he used his original armour. The Government of Brutes was quickly notified by Tartarsauce, so Juhii an Otha' were sent to an insane asylum. They spent 2 weeks there, Otha' got a heart attack and he was dead for 10 seconds, Juhii then jolted him back to life using The Magic potion and headbanged the walls, creating an escape path. When they got out, Juhii hired yet another hooker and Otha' went on Microsoft.com to bitch about his shitty Silver live that he has had for 666 months taking a shit on the gold card he bought from EB Games Gold Xbox Live expiring. Romance As said before, Otha' and Kes'i got really funky, so funky that Otha' even gave Kes'i an STD, this STD was Gruntiness. Yeah, Otha' and Kes'i adore each other and they have sex every night. The Fall of Reach Around On High-on-crack terrible excuse for a Charity, Otha' was listening to the album Elitematic, he liked it, so he put the whole album on his MP3 Player and set it up into his helmet. Juhii then walked in bitching to his hooker hotline. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE 5000 HOOKERS?" said Juhii, the hotline HQ responded with "5000 FUCKING HOOKERS, THAT'S ILLEGAL YOU CUNTRAG", Juhii angrily replied "DON'T TELL ME IT'S ILLEGAL, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M A KILLER ALIEN FROM A LARGE FORMATION OF OTHER KILLER ALIENS CALLED THE COVENANT, I'M A FUCKING TERRORIST!", Otha' then joined the conversation with his sentence "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR AND INSTEAD OF GETTING KILLIONAIRES ALL YOU WANT ARE HOOKERS?", Juhii then stated that it killed his "Boner". The other squad members were pissed off so they protested against Otha' and Juhii, Otha' told the bitching squadmates to suck his "Schlong", everyone started yelling out "fuck you!" to each other. After over 9000 insults consisting of racism, sexism and greusome thoughts, the Phantom that the whole squad was going to land on Reach on, "Whisky and Nintendo", flew away after saying to the whole squad "FUCK YOU BITCHES, IF YOU CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP THEN CHOKE ON A DICK SO NO ONE HAS TO HEAR ANY OF YOU GO AROUND WHORING AGAIN". The Elite Majors in the squad pissed their pants, Otha' then asked "Alright, so we're going to have to Occupied Dick Sucking Toots our way down to that planet? So then they did, except for the Elite Rangers and Ultras (not Juhii), who stayed behind to have group sex (half of them were female). The attending squad geared up with guns from the future and went inside pods, and ironically crashed on some ODSTs. The pods released the troops, the squad were equally matched with the Artifically strong people ( :/ ) so the Demons asked to settle the fight with a singing battle. These Spartans however were gay, so they started singing Nyan cat, while they were doing that, the Grunt Majors in the group teabagged the Spartans to death. The group kept on running and running and running until the found The most sexually wrong name for a video game level. They went up the Spire and until Noble Sex arrived, they set up a Pimp Club, a dance Club and a Strip Club, it was a riot. When Noble Six DID come, the Skirmishers and Grunts commited suicide by jumping off the Spire, resulting with only a group of Elites remaining, Otha' sent a sorry text message to Whisky and Nintendo, then the Phantom came and picked up Otha', Juhii was too busy fapping and didn't get on, so he stayed on the Spire, yep, you guessed it right, the Elite Ultra with the Energy Dildo on the top of the Spire that you fight in Reach Around is indeed Juhii, you thought you killed him, but no, he was drunk at the time so he fall on the floor, you did not kill him, human noob. Juhii then woke up during the level "The Package", but this is Otha's story..... The Phantom WAN had lots of stuff in it, like some books (including the Great Covenant book of jokes), some movies (Revenge of the Hater 1) and a computer so the Elite Majors could troll on 4chan. The squad bailed out of the Phantom when they entered New Alexandria and started shooting up all the noobs. 1 of the Major's died, so the other avenged him by trolling the Marines to death. The squad didn't give a flying shit about the mission so they went back in the WAN and flew to the level "Pillair of Autumn" to kill more Marines and blow up more shit, they killed Noble 6, but he respawned, 80 more times until the last Elite Major died, so the remaining squadmates had a Yo mama fight with Noble six. Noble Six won with "YO MAMMAS SO FAT DORA COULDN'T EXPLORE HER!" Otha', defeated, fell on the ground and Six started trying to rape him, then Juhii fell from the sky yelling out to Noble Six "SUCK MY LONG, HARD, JUICY AND SWAGGY SCHLONG!!" Juhii headshotted Six with his foot (DAAYUUMMMMMMM), landing from over 9000 miles off ground, wow. Noble six was knocked out for 3 seconds, so Juhii and Otha' ran away, running and running and running..... The high on crack pilot of Whisky and Nintendo came raging into the scene, nearly splattering Otha', Juhii and Otha' went inside the Phantom and ditched planet Reach and flew back up to High Charity. Continue Battle of Hula Hoop 04 After equiping himself with shit to kill other shit on installation 04, he, Juhii, Bopop and a squad of Elite Mayors were sent on a Phantom called "Whisky and Nintendo" to raid the giant hula hoop and, gosh you don't know the Covenant's goal? The Phantom crashed on a Sentinel Strip club, so everyone aboard the Phantom killed all the Sentinels, Juhii however made out with the strippers. Everyone stole the Quadlazers and flew to a little magical island where it never rained, they went there because it had an unbeleivably huge archive of raw, hardcore porn. But of course, those UNSC noobs had to steal the porn and fap, a tragic, but noble battle raged on the island for the porn, but then the Covies surrendered because they have a thing called http://www.covpornhub.highcharity/, the Marines then breached the archive of porn. However, before they even thought of fapping they realized it was gay porn of 2 ugly forerunners blowjobbing each other, AIDS then jumped out of balloons and infected all the noobs. The squad barely had any violent entertainment, so they rang to Prophet of Eye cancer, Eye cancer told the crew of Whisky and Nintendo to help defend the Control Room, the crew boarded their Phantom and flew to the control room, they did not arrive on time.. The Winter Wonderland was infected by AIDS, Juhii checked the front cover of the game to double check that the game was not Resident Evil, it was infact, Halo Combat Evolved, the Phantom pilot shit his pants, but he shit so much that it made the pilot bounce of the seat and land on the piloting controls, jamming it with his shit (This was the reason Phantoms are called turds). Phantom destroyed, pilot killed, long level of AIDS, Otha' swiftly lead the squad through the Snowgrounds and found Santa's house, they went inside, Santa kindly gave the whole squad lots of Boomsticks so they could pwn the Flood. Santa then went back to sitting on his Golden Chair which with him, teleported to Mexico. The Squad stole the Banshees on Santa's front yard and exterminated the flood in Santa land. The airborne squad radioed Eye Cancer to ask what the mission was now, Eye Cancer demanded the Squad to get to the Pillair of Winter, Otha' obeyed, not knowing that Flood spread so fast that they can fill a whole ship with their infections, they boomsticked and Quadlazered all the flood and Plasma'd the human noobs, the squad quickly ran through the Autumn and found some Spectres, everyone went on the Spectres, trying to beat Chief to destroying Halo (Read earlier segments of this article), but Chief won, the Squad knew that they were going to die, but Bopop being a grunt had the ultimate Grunty resource. Bopop pulled out a Pro Action Replay 2 out of his pocket teleported the whole squad back to High Charity, yep, this is all that Otha' squad did during the events of Halo 1. Battle of Hula Hoop 05 thumb|300px|leftThis involved many things, like the Hairy-dicks, Ancient Zombies, Furry Cheeseballs, and lots of shit, some Jackals stole the actual intel from this part of the article, along with the shipments of lots of other articles, but we are working to get it back. But for now, lets get high.... Battle of Voi, Battle of the Ark and Battle of Installation 04B THE EVENTS OF HALO 3 Otha' and gay Marines were engaging in combat with Brutes in the forest, these Marines however turned into walking -Ops of doom after the epic modders of Halo Custom Edition donated Tactical Battle Rifles to Otha' and the homo Marines. A squad of Elites lead by J'suz until they merged with Otha's squad because Otha' is a Field Marshall. They kicked ass and molested little Grunts with bullets. W.I.P Shit that happened after Chuck Norris died fucked off ON EARTH '' Otha' drove his Wort wort worthog to Hungry Jacks (Oceania's answer to Burger King) to buy a grilled Chicken burger with just the patty and the chicken, but then the workers dumped every vegetable known to mankind, every sauce invented by mankind and every seasoning invented by mankind onto the burger, Otha' got a lawyer who turned out to be Optimus Prime's dad, to discuss in court to the founders of Hungry Jacks to why burgers should not already be made, Oldimus and Otha' lost because the opposing party thought it would be healthier, the judge, who was Micheal Jackson's ghost, sentenced Oldimus to 90 year coma by asshairs and sent Otha' to the insane asylum, there he met a MW2 WW2 lesbian, the low Prohpet of eye cancer (No matter what happened Eye cancer was always loyal to Otha') was notified of Otha's imprisonment, so he sent a wannabe Star Trek crew piano band on a Phantom to rescue Otha' and give the WW2 lesbian blue waffle. and an Anonymous Ranger.]] Asking New Alexandria ''Main article, Asking New Alexandria. {C}Otha' and Juhii have formed a Metal band named Dusk, the y only have 2 albums at the moment, Dust and Echoes and Love is Metal. Otha's criminal record awesomeness *3632219 murders *13 betrayals *219 hijacks *2812 skyjacks *2323 hijacks after being hijacked *1337 skyjacks after being skyjacked *353222 Sexual intercourses *Over 9000 assists Family Tree I mean seriously, it's a mess, it's a fucking monstrosity. So many whores, so many faggots, so many Prostitutes and other fuckeries, it made an optimist kill punch a Grunt in the face! Stuff Otha does *Every night Otha' takes marijuana and fucks Kes'i on a barbeque because he is a fuckin' stereotypical Australian *Dream about driving on a bumpy road *Dream about picking his nose with a katana *Dream about picking his nose with a katana while driving on a bumpy road *Eat Spaghetii *Watch Arby'n' the Chief *Epically insane bullshit (Participate in Extreme Crap Wrestling) *Drink Cherry Coke Dangerous stuff Otha' did *Blew up Installation 04 by having hardcore sex *Got sent to an insane asylum twice *Hired a barney clone to rape Jon Howard *Drank Ubercharged Cherry Coke Trivia *His birthday was on 17th of June, a day after the writer of this article's birthday. *His favorite resturant is Hungry Jacks (Oceania's answer to Burger King). *''Otha'' is actually a knickname of Coke, OSKAR LOVES (CHERRY) COKE. *Otha' spent his last days on his front porch where he would complain about at them darn kids, constantly yelling at them to get off his lawn. *With powers of gruntiness, he bitch slapped Tony Abbot 96 times within 10 milliseconds while reading the New York times trying not to spill his hot chocolate. * He also sucker-punched the grim reaper on his deathbed. * His rank is Field Marshall, he got promoted twice in one promotion for inflicting 666 casualties on Halopedia. * He broke the world record for surviving 3 minutes with his energy shields down while taking Plasma damage. * He is powered on Cherry Coke, this pregnates his Gruntiness, creating more and more Gruntiness. * He is actually white. * That is why he gets sunburnt at night. * He was originally cast as the lead actor in ''Taxi Driver ''but turned down cause he was Latino. * If you have $5 and Otha' has $5 he has more money than you (He uses Australian currency). * J'Suz Kusov is being AFK so Otha' shall find a way to lead the Crusaderz to further win! * Otha is #1 on the Prophet Of Cherry Dr. Pepper's shitlist. * Never take the last Cherry Coke can at Night Owl from him, EVER, just ask Bill Clinton that, oh wait, he's dead now, I wonder why... 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